is your mom at the bar?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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