took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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