Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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