i was born a porn star she said
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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