you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
