I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
