I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
