my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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