You can't motorboat a personality
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
