I want to walk on stilts...naked
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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