hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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