theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They took my balls.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
