Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
