office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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