the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
