I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
