So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
