So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
