He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
