Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
