I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she told me i tasted like america
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
