okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
