Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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