The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
