Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
