Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
