69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
