You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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