I'm going to jail i love you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
