so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
