yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
