The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
