I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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