im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
