You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
