Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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