is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
