just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
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I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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