Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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