I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
