***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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