I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
