you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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