imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
