Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
