if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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