His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
