I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
