yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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