My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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