I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
