I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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