it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
