So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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