She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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