Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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