Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
