here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
