ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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