I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
