can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
