She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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