Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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