I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
