i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
