kristin has been a bad kristin
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
